Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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