I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
