She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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