PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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