I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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