I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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