I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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