Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
