Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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