I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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