Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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