she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
