I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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