it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
