Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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