oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
