i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
