I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
