so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me I should be a condom model.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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