and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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