the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have demons in me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
