also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
