so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
