Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
