i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
