Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
