He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
