dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
