I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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