im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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