You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
