I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
