That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
