This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
