Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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