So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
