Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
