I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
