I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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