So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
