between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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