Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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