I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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