My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
