VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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