so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
