Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
