We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
