No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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