Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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