I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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