whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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