Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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