dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
