Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
