I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
